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About Me - Long Version
About Me - Quick Version
How I ended up marrying a British Guy & Moving to the UK!
Asking for what You Want
Another testimony about Asking for what you Want

About Me - Long Version (For the Quick version, click here)

Where do I start? Ever since I was a young child I always refused to believe that life was something we all had to cope with - as if it was a disease that we were inflicted with at birth.  Around the age of 18, I made a promise to myself that if I wasn't happy doing what I was doing, I would carry on and find something else until I was happy.

As you can imagine, that kind of thinking produced a Kim who continuously moved from one green grass place to the next (not to mention the lack of a steady boyfriend), never settling or really sticking anything out.  Yes, I was a runner.  Furthermore, even though I might have been happy in the short term, my long-term or overriding happiness levels were low to nothing.

Picture of me at my Mom's
(My name is Kim!  I'm American but live in England.  I'm 29 years old.)

When my life at one job proved poor, I'd move to the next.  When things in New York became too unbearable, I moved to San Francisco ..and after a year or so, I finally fled to Aylesbury, Great Britain...(which is a whole other story!)  The issue that became apparent is that I was looking for someone or something to provide me with happiness and when that someone or something failed to deliver; I hit the high road (or most times, unfortunately, the low road).

Five years ago, I married a wonderful Englishman named Simon.  With marriage, I quickly realized that it wasn't a continuous and consistent source of happiness.  Although Simon was able to make me laugh he also had this wonderful knack for causing a couple tears too! 

So...I was a 24 year old non-committal newlywed, living on an island 3000 miles away from *normal* people, with no job and having to eat baked beans for breakfast.  Suddenly, I had to take my decisions seriously as they impacted another person.  I started to realize that I can't just fly away...I'm not sure if I had a nervous breakdown or if I had my moment of deranged enlightenment, but I instantaneously felt as if I had seriously gotten myself stuck.  Due to the sheer magnitude of my feelings, I snapped like a dry twig and thought that another promise to myself must be created; otherwise, I just wouldn’t survive. 

Well, its 5 years later now and I'm still in England - Yipee!  I'm no longer a runner.  Even more amazingly is the fact that I'm probably one of the most happy people I know..In fact, thinking about it, I AM the happiest person I know.  I wake up each day with a smile and I'm truly eager to jump out of bed and start my day.  I take pleasure in small things and become ecstatic over larger things.  By default, I'm happy - I've programmed it into the core of me so it's just the norm, whereas in the past my default was miserable until someone or something gave me a reason to change.  Isn't that amazing - I'm living proof that you can change a person’s default happiness level!  Aside from learning from other people, there have been a few inspirational books that have really helped me become who I am...check out my Sanity Tools pages under motivational books if you're interested.

Saying all that, I've now come to the motivation for my website.  Up until two weeks ago, I was a Director at a local company enjoying the merits of working with a great team of people.  Almost every day, I went to work eager to help the team become motivated to grow their lives both professionally and personally.  I enjoyed brainstorming new ideas, helping with conflicts, running the marketing, making sure that our customer service was the best in England, and all the other things that go with working alongside a team.  You may ask...well, what's the problem?

After I realized that you won't find happiness outside, I made the mistake of thinking that no matter where you are or who you're with, you can produce happiness inside yourself....well, that's WRONG.  If you surround yourself with people who are predominately negative and pessimistic (or realistic as they like to refer to themselves), they WILL BRING YOU DOWN.  Sadly, some of the people I worked with were quite unhappy and as we all know, there's no use trying to change other people!

My strategy for achieving happiness with the company worked well for a while, but the time has come where I need a new path to set my sites on.  I want to work with upbeat, future-thinking, optimistic people that are in to growth, motivation, an eagerness to make something of themselves.  No matter how strong you are, over time, people with negativity will rub off on you and it's important to get away from them.  They are not conducive to feeling good!

So.......I'm testing the waters with the world of the Internet!  Heck, I’m not testing…I’m throwing myself at it!  I have a computer, I'm connected to the Internet, I know how to use MS Office, I bought a gigantic book on Web Design (which is currently collecting dust) and I have a good head on my shoulders.  Most importantly, I have the belief that no matter what I do, I can make a success out of it!

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• Started out in life thinking the grass was always greener elsewhere and ran from job to job, place to place, man to man.
• I moved from Rochester, NY to San Francisco, and now currently live in England at the age of 29.  Having jobs ranging from buying electronic components, to being a Marketing Manager, International Project Manager and even a Managing Director, I've learned many valuable lessons along my journey.  Each one brings me closer to becoming my own boss and creating my own life.
• I married a wonderful Englishman, settled down and no longer run - I've managed to truly create a happy atmosphere throughout most of my life...My only sticking point has been finding lasting fulfillment in a career. 
• In my last position as a Director of a services company I enjoyed the team, the work and my role; however there was an undercurrent of negativity that was difficult for me to deal with.  This constant negativity, over time, brought me down and I found myself quite low.  I learned that it is very important to surround yourself with people who have similar values - especially when it comes to the overall enjoyment of life!
• My ambition is working in conjunction with motivated, energetic and successful people while having the opportunity to create serious wealth (not just financially...wealth in the broadest sense); however finding that type of environment in a 9-5 job has been futile. 
• I'm now at the point where I've taken the plunge, left my job and am researching the possibilities of wealth over the Internet!  Furthermore, I'm eager to help anyone else out there that has felt the same way that I do!

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• In 1997, I was 22 years old with one semester to finish at SUNY Geneseo to get my Bachelors in Business Management.  I was working part-time doing telemarketing trying to sell websites over the phone to lawyers in Tucson, Arizona (Fat Chance!).  And...I hated my life.  I was in between boyfriends, thought that my job was appalling and just needed to get away from my family.  We were all at low points in our lives and I desperately needed to shock my system into some kind of change.
• During a phone conversation with one of my girlfriends from work, I explained that the telemarketing program was a total wash-out, and that the *management* hadn't a clue.  Little did I know, I was being recorded by the Client.  Ten minutes later, I was fired and that was the last straw.
• I packed my bags and went to live in a room 10' by 10' in Berkeley California, where my best friend, Aaron was working as a Swimming Instructor (he had moved out there a couple years back).  I managed to sleep on his extra sofa in an University dorm room at some fraternity house.  Believe it or not, Beaver, from the American 50's sitcom 'Leave it to Beaver' stayed in the same room when he went to Berkeley.
• After a few months, I managed to get an apartment along with a psychotic roommate (but that's a whole other story).  I spent most of my time commuting to work and being alone.  I couldn't afford to live in San Francisco, so I moved into a nice part of the ghetto in Oakland.  How I never got mugged is beyond me! 
• I blagged my way into Deloitte and Touche and quickly realised that the corporate world was not for me....but I needed the money.  Living in California is NOT cheap! 
• Due to my loneliness and isolation, I purchased a journal and started to write my thoughts, feelings and whatever came to mind.  I read a book that explained if you write what you want it will come.  So...I wrote about the man I wanted.   Jokingly, I thought I'd be a bit cheeky and really dream, so I scribed down the following entry in my journal: 
  
  "tall (above 6'2"),light eyes - preferably blue, handsome, witty, humorous, able to NOT let me walk all over him, easy-going, balanced, kind and ultimately I would be interested in a British prince (with good teeth)."
   
• A month later and not thinking about my journal entry, I went to a Stock Market party on one of the SF piers.  I was seeing a stockbroker and went along for the free food and alcohol.  (At this point, I could only afford hot dogs and burrito wraps, so I'd go anywhere to get some grub).  After the entertainment, I strolled out onto the pier to have a smoke (back then, I was a smoker) and lo and behold there was a Brit standing right next to me!
• To my dismay the Brit was old enough to be my father and his teeth needed some work (and that's being nice!).  Since I was delusional due to my lack of food and money, I started to question myself as to whether or not I could become a *kept lady,* but after another smile from Mr. Old Toothless - but Wealthy - Brit Man,  I wiped that idea right out of my head.  I did manage to have a short conversation with Mr. Brit and told him about my journal entry and that I was looking for a British prince (yes, I was a bit tipsy too).  Any how, he said verbatim, "I'm sure you'll get your British prince."  With that I made a silent toast and threw my wine glass into the San Francisco Bay.
• YES - I'll get the main part of the story...hold your horses!
• Three months later, I went out with some of the guys from the fraternity house and we ended up at Fiddler's Green; an Irish bar near the Warf.  At the bar, I met up with one of my girl friends who was chatting with a few British guys.  I decided to stick around as I really enjoyed their accents.
• One entire hour later, and after standing next to him the entire time, Simon (my hubby) and I were introduced by my girlfriend and one of Simons buddies.  We managed to chat a bit, dance and smile like goof-balls.  At the end of the evening, I gave him my number and said that I would take him around SF over the weekend.
• Unknowingly, one of the fraternity guys overheard my offer to Simon and the following day he decided to take me for a drive down the coast - and half way down the state.  Needless to say, he stated his affections for me and I was blown away.  I had never considered this guy as dating material - the whole thing was awkward and I asked him to take me home.  By the time we travelled up the state, the weekend was over and I missed my opportunity to meet Simon.
• Upon entering my apartment, there was a message from Sim and I felt so bad not following through with my offer.  I asked if he would be interested to meet me at a bar to watch Monday Night Football as the Buffalo Bills were playing.  Sim agreed and I went to bed tired and upset the weekend was over.
• Half way through Monday, I decided that I didn't want to meet Simon - I was too tired and being my miserable self.  I asked my psychotic roommate to fake a break up with her boyfriend so that I could cut the evening short with Simon and go home.  What was the use anyway - Simon was leaving on Tuesday and I wasn't interested in a fling.
• Monday evening, my roommate and I met Simon at the bar and Sim and I started chatting.  My roomy ended up hitting on some men and I started to realise that Simon was cute.  Soon after, I told my roommate that I'd be okay and decided to stay with Sim for a while.
• Within a few hours I stared to realise that I really liked Simon and wished that he didn't live millions of miles away.  Sim was in SF because he did a Charity fund raiser where he broke out of the prison he worked at and was transported to Alcatraz within 24hrs (no - he wasn't a prisoner!!!)  Sim and the other guys raised £10,000's for charity.
• Before the end of the night I started fishing to find out if he had a girlfriend or worse, if he was married.  Then the bomb landed - Simon had a girlfriend and she was living with him.  The DIRTY rotten scoundrel!  I told him that I'd be very upset if I was his girlfriend...but that didn't stop me from asking him to walk me home.
• In the subway (BART), Sim quickly kissed me and I stopped him and said, you have a chick back at home and I'm a proper girl.  And then we kissed again.  As a side note, Sim explained that the girl that was living with him was more of a 'mate' than a girlfriend.  He was going to end it but just didn't want to hurt her feelings.  And I thought....YEAH-RIGHT!
• That night Sim slept next to me on the floor in my bedroom (I couldn't afford a bed!).  He put his arm around me and asked me all night long if I was warm enough.  He tried to kiss me, but I said no...I loved laying in his arms.  I felt perfect.  I felt loved.  I wanted the night to last forever so I stayed awake and watched the minutes tick on my clock.
• Tuesday morning, Sim and I commuted to work and he dropped me off at the Deloitte and Touche entrance.  We went our separate ways and when I looked back - he was still there waiting until I disappeared.
• Once at my desk I called my mom and my two best friends (both named Jennifer) to discuss the evening events.  I told them that I found the guy I wanted to marry.  Throughout the day, I chatted with mom and the Jen's and during one conversation I had an incoming call.  Guess who it was?  Yep, Simon called me from the airport to say goodbye. (aaaawwww)
• That day, I wrote a letter to Sim explaining that I really liked him and wished we could have spent more time together.
• Sim went home and asked his girlfriend to leave.  He then received my letter and called me immediately.  Within one month, he was back in San Francisco and the rest is history.  We've been married for over 5 years and we're more in love today than we were yesterday.  We were truly meant for each other and I'm so grateful that the world conspired to bring us together..
• A few months later I moved to Aylesbury, UK and a year later I married Simon Philip Brown.
• The lesson is - write down what you want and it will come to you.  (Just for the record, Simon has perfect teeth).

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Asking For What You Want

Oh - I love writing!  All I've ever wanted to do is write.  I hope some much that my dreams are starting to come true.  I never believed that anyone would want to hear what I had to write about - after all the wonderful feedback and kind words about my site that I've received recently - maybe they do?!?! 

Taking a break to look back over my life (just now), a memory of Caroline popped into my head.  Caroline was/is a lawyer that I worked for when I was labouring as a Marketing/Administrative person in a small law firm in San Francisco. (I think the firm was called Goldman and Associates)  She was a strong and powerful woman as she earned her law degree later in life and worked the entire time to put herself through school.  I always admired her and felt this strange non-verbal connection with her.  I loved her, but had no logical reason to do so.

Any way, I wrote a letter to Caroline telling her that I was going to move to England in search of a life with Simon.  I couldn't verbally tell her as I was an employee for only a few months and scared that the firm was going to totally freak when hearing the news. 

After Caroline read my letter and of all things she could say, she told me that I had a definite skill and should seriously consider a career in writing.  Can you believe that?  I was not prepared for her comments nor did I consider her words with any relevancy until just recently.

Just like the past complements from teachers and my family, I completely disregarded any truth in Caroline's comments.  I always felt that people were just trying to be nice to me.  Heck - I could never do something as FANTASTIC as being a writer - I'd never be able to capture peoples hearts, feed their dreams or entertain them in their evenings!! 

ALL MY LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT MY CALLING IS...I've cried many nights saying, "Anyone who is listening, please tell me what I'm good at.  Please help me to do something that is meaningful.  Give me a sign.  I hate my life!  Tell me how I can make a difference.  Tell me how I can love and be loved.  Help me!  Please help me!!!"

For Pete's sake - EVERYONE was telling me - I guess that I just had to hear it enough times for it to sink in!  Now that I look back, I am that person in that famous joke...

• A flood hits a town and big trucks are sent out to get people from their homes.  One guy says, "No thanks, my God will rescue me."
   

• The water begins to rise and before you know it, the water is up to the 2nd floor.  A rescue boat goes out to get the guy and he says, "No thanks, my God will rescue me."
   

• The man ends up on his roof and a helicopter comes.  Again the man says, "No thanks, my God will rescue me."
   

• The man drowns and hangs out in heaven for a bit wondering why he was dead. 
   

• One lucky day, he happened to run into his God and said, "God, why didn't you rescue me?"
   

• His God turned to him and said, "What do you think the truck, rescue boat and helicopter where for, you bonehead?"

Well, at least I have finally discovered my calling/escape route and was *saved* before ending up in heaven! 

The lesson I learned was that if you really want something badly, keep asking for it.  I kept asking for my *calling* and although the signs and messages where there all along the way, I just needed to hear them enough times before they clicked.  If you are looking for your *calling* or simply to figure out what you Love to do as I was...KEEP ASKING AS IT WILL COME!  (That's how I got my hubby too!)

For books that help to figure yourself out, check out my Sanity Tools Book Reviews!  Reading has changed my world and made it a much better place! 

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As you know by now, just over six years ago Simon captured me (and my heart) from San Francisco and delivered me to Aylesbury, UK.

After landing in England, Sim drove from Heathrow to Aylesbury which consists of the M25 and a duel carriage way. I thought: Where is London? Where are those *quaint* villages…and where are the castles?! Most of all…where will I be living? You can imagine the excitement felt by someone who never stepped foot out of North America!!!

As we drove into the estate where Simon owned a one-bedroom cluster home, I began to get excited. On both sides of the car I saw large green grass expanses dotted with awesome amenities such a: a Gym, Tennis Courts, Cricket Pitch, Ski slope and a restaurant positioned at the end of one of the
swan-filled lakes. WOW – I must have landed me a Wealthy Brit!

Soon after we crossed over a bridge, I gazed upon a French-style piazza that had an English Pub, hairdresser, vet and Chinese. I’m in HEAVEN! On the left side of the T-Junction, the detached houses were HUGE and beautiful – they were dream houses!

Sadly, Sim turned to the right at the T-Junction and I asked why the houses all looked tiny and built together (attached). At first, I thought that they must be apartments as I grew up in an area of American that only had either detached houses or apartments.

Sim explained that the estate developer went bankrupt after building the big houses on the left side of the T-Junction. The houses to the right were created by a different developer that focused on *normal* people.

As we drove on (as *normal* people) and pulled up to the one-bedroom cluster home, I at first thought that the entire cluster was Simons…Then I realised that there were doors all over – ‘How many people live in that tiny place, Simon?’

Simmies proudly opened the door and I saw a cute little living room with two doors. I assumed that one door opened to the dining room and kitchen and the other must have gone to a den or study.

To my absolute HORROR, I opened the door to the kitchen and it was so small that it only had 6 floor tiles. You had to close the door to open the Fridge! (And I won’t even mention the size of the fridge – it wouldn’t even hold a Thanksgiving Turkey).

My horror increased when I found the other door to be a closet. I said, ‘Simon, where do you eat?’ and he said, ‘On your lap…where else would you eat?’

Please realise that I am not a snob or pretentious – I come from a *normal* Middle Class family and in America, we simply have more room and thus larger houses. I just wasn’t prepared for the smaller sized items in England.

Moving on – I do have a point to this story!

After I got over the shock of Simon’s house, I took a chill pill and ended up liking the cute little quaint pad.

From our little pad, Simon and I would often walk over to the *wealthy* side of the T-Junction and I remember asking Sim how we would be able to buy one of the big houses. This is what he said:

‘Kim, when my parents pass on, God-forbid, we will then have some more money and we might be able to get one of these wonderful houses…’

And I said,

‘You’ve got to be freaking kidding me – I’m not waiting for something that I neither want (sim’s parents to die) nor have any control over!’

I tried to figure out how I could change our situation, but the answers didn’t come quickly. Even if I managed to get a very high paying job, these houses commanded a humongous deposit – how would we get that?

WELL…(THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART OF THE STORY)

As I write this story, I’d like to proudly announce that I’m looking out over the lake, listening to the ducks quack and geese natter from my HUGE left-side-of-the-T-Junction home and I have all the room in the world!

As you can see, we once thought that we had to stick with our *Lot* in life. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. Fortunately, something make us search for some answers and ask 'How DO we get that nice house', and we found the answers!

It can be done! You can get what you want and it is NOT money that stops you – it is YOU who stops YOU!!!

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